Anonymous Asked: What can a submissive do to allow room for their Dom to explore Domspace? Can a Dom be in Domspace simultaneously while the submissive is in subpace? Is this a safe practice?

Discussions often revolve around “subspace,” a euphoric state experienced by the submissive or bottom. However, there’s a counterpart known as “domspace” or “topspace,” which merits exploration. Domspace is not easily defined, as it varies from person to person, and for others it is something they are unable to experience. Those who have experienced it, describe it as euphoric, akin to floating or a heightened sense of control, while others experience intense focus.

In my case, domspace feels very focused and similar to experiences I had previously enjoyed while playing sports when I was intensely focused and seemingly sensing everything, even little things plus it was as though there was detached from the body, as though one was playing a video game looking down at the scene and able to not only control myself but also the submissive (which of course could not happen). Not only were there intense sensations connected to my actions but my mind was also telling me how those same sensations felt to the submissive while having no way of truly knowing how the submissive was feeling things but my brain in this state was telling a different story. Now this is how it feels for me, so please understand others can have a vastly different range of experiences.

As for some things to try that may help a dominant find this headspace, here are some suggestions:

• Set the scene with appropriate ambiance, such as dim lighting, comfortable surroundings, and perhaps mood music, to create a conducive environment for relaxation and focus.
• Incorporate sensory stimulation through touch, taste, scent, sound, and sight to heighten awareness and deepen immersion in the moment.
• Explore role-play scenarios and/or different forms of physical and mental play that allow one to fully inhabit their dominant headspace.
• Practice mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or visualization exercises, to center one’s focus and maintain presence in the moment before play.
• Embrace one’s dominant instincts and desires without inhibition, allowing an individual to fully express themselves while asserting control while respecting consent and safe words/getures.
• Prioritize self-care and relaxation in the lead-up to play sessions, ensuring that mental and physical preparedness to immerse oneself in the scene.
• If one has experienced it in the past, reflect on those moments of domspace to identify triggers or factors that facilitate its emergence, allowing one to cultivate and deepen the connection with this state of mind.

As for a situation where both d and s types are exploring space together at the same time, it can be a dangerous combination because the chemicals in our brains make us feel amazing as well as inebriated, we are not in a place to make good or safe choices. So if both dominant and submissive are here together, it can lead to a place where boundaries are pushed or crossed along with limits. So even the most trusting and loving partners who never would do anything intential to hurt each other can find problems.

However, there is a way to explore this in a safer manner which is perfect for those exhibitionists among us or those who are willing to put potential shyness aside for the sake of exploring.

Here is the idea, involve a third party as an observer or private dungeon master, perhaps call them your Star Fleet Safety Officer, since we are discussing “space”, who knows those playing, their limits, safewords/gestures, and who will have no qualms about stepping up and in to stop things should they see things like a limit being approached or a safeword/gesture misinterpreted. While this could be daunting for those of a shyer persuasion, joint dominant and submissive headspace requires a safety first and safety always attitude.

Remember that safety is paramount and while domspace may make a dominant feel like they are in more control than they have ever been, one’s brain is releasing chemicals that cause all of this which can mean that the hyper-control feeling is an illusion and the brain is naturally intoxicated by its chemicals. So before a dominant explores this ‘final frontier’, their submissive/bottom must be informed and fully understand this headspace, enthusiastic/excited to experience this with the d-type, happily consenting, and as always with consent, able to revoke it at any time.

A discussion about domspace also brings with it a trip to Aftercare Lane. Typically aftercare is seen as something provided by the d-type to/for the submissive but in a case where the dominant has entered domspace there is a much higher likelihood they will be impacted by domdrop. Domdrop is just like subdrop but the flip side of the coin. So submissives please understand if your amazing and wonderful dominant experiences domspace, more than likely you will need to step up your aftercare game as they will most likely need extra support as the chemicals in their minds reset to normal.

Finally, remember that not every d-type will experience this mental place and that is more than okay. Having or not having domspace does not make anyone more or less dominant nor does it make one not a “real” dominant because they do not experience this.

Thank you for the question,

MTFBWYA