Teds’ Talk, A Plush Prospective On: Unicorns

Hi again everyone, I am Teds and I am back for another of my bearly patented Teds’ Talks but before getting started you might be wondering why a stuffed bear is here and talking about kinky things, I mean I am a stuffie, so what could I know about BDSM? Well, the thing is my human is a submissive little/middle and if you do not know yet, littles/middles need a voice of reason sometimes and that’s my job in the stuffie family here, my human’s voice of reason which means I have lead to learn lots and lots about BDSM and kink. Some of my knowledge comes from what I have seen with my eyes when I have been moved off the bed and other parts have come from talking with my human while the other bits come from my research. Yes, stuffies do research, really we do. What do you think we do while the humans are at work forced to be adults? Okay, we might play a bit and in my case, watch a few Lifetime movies. Are Lifetime movies a fetish? Because if they are, I think it might be one of mine.

Enough about me, it is time to get into this Teds’ Talk and this time we are going to talk about how you, yes you, are a unicorn! Unicorns are magical and awesome, just like you. I am sure some of you reading this are saying no, I am not enchanting and amazing but I beg to differ, you are. Do not believe me? Ask your stuffies, they will tell you the same thing. So now that is out of the way, how did I get the idea to talk to you about unicorns?

So this week while my human was at work, Percy the unicorn and Lil Lilly Leap, the frog but not related to Kermit, were playing and I wanted to join in. Sometimes I can be a bit of an under-thinker and this is one of those times. Lil was riding Percy around and I wanted to go for a ride too, so I just jumped on, grabbed Percy by the horn, and hung on. This did not make Percy or Lil Lilly happy and they were mad, mad at me. Both of them told me that Percy did not consent to me jumping on riding him and I said I just wanted to join in on the fun too. Percy was the most understanding but explained all I had to do was ask before I jumped on.

I bet you are thinking this Teds’ Talk is going to be about consent, but Percy and I are going to do a Teds’ Talk about that sometime soon. Instead, the chat today is going to be about about LLL and unicorns! See I told Percy and Lil Lilly that I was just feeling super lonely and I thought that just jumping in and playing would make me feel loved and not alone while our human is at work. As soon as I said this I hads an brain wave!

First I apologized to Percy and Lil Lilly since I realized just how naughty I was and that I was going to have to confess to my parent when they came home. Do you think I will have to write lines, sit in the corner, or have to have broccoli for dinner? Can you do a bear a solid and comment at the end and pick between corner time or lines in the comment you leave to my human because I REALLY do not like broccoli and I hope you could leave a note to help me beg for no broccoli!

Sorry, I keep getting sidetracked or maybe veggie-tracked, but back to unicorns. See in BDSM good people that are dating matches are like unicorns, magical, enchanting, and very, very, very rare! Just to be clear, good people are not rare but the ones that are dateable are. Because you are reading this, Teds knows you are a unicorn of a person, magical and enchanting but because all of us unicorns are rare and kinktastic, it makes us susceptible to how I felt when Lil Lilly and Percy were playing, lonely, and left out.

If you are involved in or exploring BDSM and are single, I bet at times you feel a little lonely and left out too. I call that having LLL which means Lovelorn Loving Little but I know not everyone is a little or submissive but LLL sounds fun to say, so that is my word for this state of mind. We see those amazing partnerships, especially online, and long for that, sometimes even thinking “If only I had that, then I could…” Now sometimes when are LLL we do something that helps us feel better at the moment.

What is it that sometimes happens when we are LLL? Well, we find someone, often someone who is kinda rando, and weird but not in a way that enhances our weirdness. Did I mention we are all weird? Yup we are, everyone is weird, and when we find that someone special, they dig our weird and we theirs but when we are LLL, we might just attach to not feel lonely. So I want to tell you that it is bestest to wait for another unicorn or unicorns, if you are poly, to enter your life rather than jumping into a relationship.

See here is what can happen when we partner up because we are lonely:

Loneliness often pushes individuals to place unrealistic expectations on their partner, believing they will meet every emotional need. From my spot on the shelf, I see this happen when people feel empty inside. They hope their partner will fill the gaps, but it rarely works out that way. The partner, being only human, cannot possibly meet such high hopes. When these expectations are unmet, frustration and disappointment usually follow. People tend to forget that love is about sharing the load, not putting all the weight on one person.

In trying to keep a relationship intact, people sometimes give up parts of themselves that matter the most. From my cozy corner, I watch individuals set aside their values or let someone, not deserving, push them into actions that feel wrong, especially in the world of BDSM. They believe this will hold everything together, but over time, it builds resentment. That nagging feeling of having compromised too much lingers, leaving them dissatisfied. Respect for one’s boundaries should never be ignored, as doing so only leads to a slow drift away from true connection and trust.

In the quiet moments, I often see individuals rush into relationships, driven by the fear of being alone. They overlook important things, like whether their partner truly complements them or if their own needs are being met. From my little perch, it is easy to see how this happens. The desire for companionship clouds judgment and people jump in, hoping it will fill the void. But when the initial excitement fades, the mismatched pieces become clear. Without taking time to reflect, they end up feeling even more alone within the relationship than they did before.

In the search for companionship, people sometimes ignore the signs that something is not quite right. From what I learn online while my human is at work, I watch them overlook behaviors that should raise concern, especially in the world of BDSM. It can be tempting to focus on the good, to believe that things will get better, but these warning signs often signal deeper issues. When those red flags are ignored, things can quickly spiral into discomfort or even danger. In BDSM, trust and respect are everything, and neglecting to notice negative behaviors can lead to consequences that leave lasting scars, both emotional and physical.

Another thing my research has taught me is that when someone feels lonely they start to compare a partner who is not the right one to some perfect idea of what a relationship should be. These comparisons create an unrealistic standard, one that the partner can never reach. Over time, this leads to dissatisfaction, as they become more focused on what they think they are missing rather than appreciating what they have. The gap between expectations and reality grows wider, leaving them feeling more alone.

So what should you do about being lonely and kinky?

It is simple to me, go look in the mirror and when you do, see the unicorn in it. Yes, that flawed person with those things we do not like about ourselves from stretch marks, freckles, scars, or all the other things we can tell ourselves makes us unattractive. Forget all that, or try as best you can, and I know you can do a little bit of that. Remember we stuffies are smarter than you might think! What you need to see is a unicorn and know that you deserve another unicorn to make yourself truly happy.

In addition to getting your unicorn on, perhaps explore building connections with like-minded lifestyle friends while single. Submissives can bond with other submissives, while dominants can seek out fellow dominants. This creates a supportive environment where people understand each other’s roles and desires, helping them avoid rushing into a relationship just because of loneliness. These friendships offer a sense of belonging without the pressure, allowing for growth and patience in finding the right partner when the time comes.

Singlehood offers a unique opportunity to focus on personal growth, both within the lifestyle and beyond it. Rather than rushing into something, this time can be used to understand one’s desires and boundaries in BDSM, exploring what truly matters. Outside the lifestyle, it is also a chance to develop hobbies, skills, and emotional resilience. Focusing on self-improvement in every aspect of life creates a solid foundation for when the right relationship does come along. In this way, singlehood transforms from a period of waiting into a time of empowerment.

While it is very human to have that deep desire to connect, to find the one who understands their needs. In moments like this, it helps to remember the words of Rumi: “What you seek is seeking you.” It serves as a reminder that while the loneliness feels endless, the right connection is out there, also searching. Patience becomes a friend, and the search feels less like a chase and more like a journey toward something mutual. Trusting that what is meant to come will find its way can ease the ache, allowing space for reflection and growth until that connection arrives.

So, fellow unicorns, the key is not to rush into relationships out of loneliness. Like I learned with Percy and Lil Lilly, respect, patience, and understanding make all the difference. Remember, you are rare and magical, deserving of someone who truly sees and cherishes that. Embrace this time to grow, connect with others in the lifestyle, and trust that the right partner, or partners, will find their way to you. Whether it takes time or happens tomorrow, the journey matters just as much as the destination. Just like Rumi said, what you seek is seeking you. Stay magical!

Teds’ Tag-Along Thoughts

Hey there, unicorns! Teds here, thinking about something important. Have you ever felt like jumping into a relationship just to chase away that lonely feeling, only to find out it was not the right fit? How did you handle that? Maybe you have learned a thing or two about finding the balance between seeking someone special and staying true to yourself. Chat about how to manage that pesky loneliness without rushing into things that do not quite fit. Share your stories and tips on how to stay magical and true to yourself while waiting for the right connection to come along.