In BDSM, D/S, and kink, making a good first impression is more than just about being attractive or engaging in a scene. It is about showing respect for the other person and recognizing their humanity. Behind every profile, behind every message, is a person with emotions, boundaries, and a life beyond the kinks they explore. Too often, people forget that and treat others as if they are simply “kink dispensers”, there to satisfy a desire without any recognition of who they are as a whole person.
A friend of mine, a dominant in the BDSM community, recently shared her frustration with how many potential subs approach her. She said, “So many times in recent months I have received DMs from potential subs demanding to be my submissive/slave. They offer nothing except supposed obedience and living locally to me. When I ask them the same first question every time, ‘Tell me about yourself,’ they fail. When I ask them to give me a little bio of themselves and what they enjoy in life (both kinky and vanilla), they make excuses as to why they cannot. I have even had some get verbally abusive when I say that I want to know about them as a person rather than a toy.” This is a powerful reminder that people, regardless of their role, need to be respected as full individuals.
Whether you identify as dominant, submissive, switch, or any other role, making a good first impression is about showing up as a person, not just a role to fill. The first thing to remember is that no one is a kink dispenser. Everyone is a whole person with interests, values, and passions beyond their kink. If you want to make a connection, it is important to share who you are outside of the roles you want to explore. When you reach out to someone, give them more than just the promise of obedience or control. Talk about your interests, your life, and your boundaries. This lets others see you as a person, not just a player looking to fulfill a fantasy.
It is essential to realize that there are people behind every profile. Too often, people forget that and fail to make a real connection. Remember that everyone is a person first. Treat others with respect, not as tools for your kink. If you approach others as whole individuals you create the opportunity for a meaningful connection. People are searching for others who see them as more than just “kink dispensers.”
Making a good first impression in all things kinktastic is all about respect. It is about showing others that you care about them as individuals. You are building the foundation for a relationship, and the first impression sets the tone for that connection. Take the time to be a real person, to share who you are, and to learn about the other person as well. The true beauty in the lifestyle lies not just in the scenes we create, but in the relationships we build as whole individuals.