Finding Freedom In No
It is just two letters long and yet one of the most powerful words in the world and both empowering as well as inspiring. The little word is the word, no. There are times we all struggle to say this tiny little word. Maybe your fearful leader at work, aka the boss, knows that there is a project to be done by pushing the assignment to your desk, or friends/family know when there is a challenging task ahead to give you a call because you always lend a hand. Most people take pride in being a ‘go-to’ person, and being counted on but even though it is a hard lesson to learn, learning the value of saying no and sticking to it is empowering. Growing more comfortable with saying no is not only powerful in our daily vanilla life but is just if not more important in D/S.
A dominant, naturally, wants to have a happy submissive partner, and just like every relationship, a good and creative s-type will know the ways to ask for things allowing them to get what they want. It is very much human nature to do that as well as the desire to give approval to someone you care for but saying no is needed at times. One of the most memorable moments in a D/S relationship can be the first time the d-type tells their submissive no. When a dominant is saying no, they also need to explain why they are expressing disapproval and it is never acceptable to say “Because I said so”. Not only is it important to share the why behind the negative decision but to always listen and hear your submissive partner if they disagree with the decision. Just because the dominant is the leader in the relationship, it does not mean error-free, and sometimes the no might not be the best choice. Value your partner when they disagree and be open when discussing the why behind the no.
Many submissives often struggle with saying no because they love to please others. There are submissives that this does not apply to as they do not have a problem drawing the line in the sand in the career world or with family/friends but more often than not a submissive’s desire to please causes them to overextend and have their plate full of commitments big and small. This overextending can lead to higher-than-needed stress levels plus they struggle with making time for themselves. It is one of the most valuable things a dominant can assist their submissive with is finding that balance allows them to still be the valued go-to person at work and the MVP for family and friends while also letting them have the “me time” they need to keep their batteries fully charged. A dominant does not need to micromanage or schedule their s-type’s life but work with them to let them, reminding them it is okay to decline an event while empowering them to set aside time for themselves. By working to help balance time crunches, a dominant can help guide their partner to find a better balance on the beam of life.
One of the most important nos that a submissive should always remember is that being submissive never means the right or ability to say no is taken away from them by anyone for, any reason. A submissive always must give their consent. If a person, place, or thing makes them uncomfortable they can and need to say no and it is NEVER acceptable to bully, force, or take advantage of submission. All dominants must respect and adhere to the word no when a submissive voices it.
Being told no is never something anyone wants to hear, it is often one of the most important words we can learn to say effectively. No matter what your role in life or kink not being apprehensive in expressing no can help achieve a better life balance. Additionally, submissives never lose the right to say no nor does being submissive lessen the meaning of no. As the saying goes, no means no and this must be accepted and respected, a power exchange dynamic never takes away this right, so mind your P’s and Q’s by respecting the nos of others.
Since saying no is often a struggle, what is something that saying no to was hard for you but was the best decision and no can be even harder to express in a D/S relationship, what ways do you suggest to make it easier to say no when it is needed?