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Handcuffs, mask, roses, and hearts.

BDSM/Kink Incorporated Sexually And Non

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How do you explain the difference between BDSM/kink being.. incorporated sexually and non-sexually? I’d love examples as well.

When explaining the difference between BDSM/kink being incorporated sexually and non-sexually, it is important to emphasize the context and purpose behind the activities. BDSM/kink can be a versatile aspect of relationships, adaptable to both sexual and non-sexual situations. Understanding this versatility helps to appreciate the broad spectrum of kink practices and their impact on individuals’ dynamics and interactions.

When it is incorporated sexually, the primary aim is to enhance sexual arousal and pleasure. For instance, spanking during sexual intercourse or as a form of foreplay can significantly increase arousal. The physical sensation of spanking stimulates the nervous system, which can intensify pleasure and make orgasms more powerful. This form of kink play is often about creating a heightened sensory experience that directly contributes to sexual satisfaction.

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The word trust written on cardboard held by cupped hands

willlingly give

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Can you please explain why people as subs tend to give themselves willingly to their doms? My trust issues are so severe I could never, but it still baffles me. Isn’t giving up control not healthy?

People who identify as submissives often willingly give themselves to their dominants due to a variety of complex psychological and emotional reasons that revolve around trust, fulfillment, and mutual respect. It is important to understand that in a healthy D/S dynamic, the power exchange is consensual and negotiated, meaning both parties agree on the terms and boundaries of their relationship.

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Row of TV cameras

portrayal of BDSM

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Have you been following the allegations against Neil Gaiman? What is your opinion on it and the anti BDSM rhetoric of the publication (Tortoise Media) that reported it?

Until you asked, I had not heard of Neil Gaiman, nor am I a consumer of Tortoise Media. While I cannot speak to the allegations or the individual in question, I can address the broader issue of how the media represents BDSM.

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Hands tied with rope behind the back

tie me onto the bed

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What if I don’t want to do something but my partner does? They want to tie me onto the bed but that scares me and I’m not willing to budge on that. Any advice?

If you do not want to do something, you do not have to do it. It is essential to respect your own boundaries and ensure that your partner respects them as well. When your partner wants to tie you to the bed, but this scares you and you are not willing to budge, clear communication and mutual respect become crucial.

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A healthy meal

Prepare before a session

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I suffered an accidental injury while doing day to day chores. Although I was momentarily happy, I started feeling dizzy and weak; had to replenish myself by drinking water, turning the experience unpleasant. It made me reflect that even though I could see the appeal of being a sub, how should I prepare myself before a session? What if this happens during a session?

Thank you for the question and to prepare yourself for a BDSM session, especially if you are exploring submission, it is essential to consider several guidelines that ensure both safety and enjoyment.

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Woman alone on a pier at sunrise looking into the distance.

over exposed

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I played with someone for the first time & I am trying to determine if I should chalk up my misgivings to “drop” or if I did too much too soon? I am feeling over exposed. We played online, but I still feel like I may have over shared too much of my body. During the scene, I was very eager to please and felt happy & safe. But now the walk of shame is bringing shade to my sunshine.

Can you talk this girl down from the ledge?

Thanks for everything!

First, it is important to recognize that your feelings are valid. Engaging in a scene, even online, can bring up a lot of emotions. You mentioned feeling eager to please, happy, and safe during the scene, which is great. However, the feelings you are experiencing now what you describe as a “walk of shame” are also quite common and worth exploring.

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Couple cuddling in a blanket fort lit by Edison style lightbulbs.

aftercare and check ins

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Hi there & Happy 4th to you! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

If you are playing online. should you still require aftercare & check ins?

Thank you!

Aftercare and check-ins can be important in online play, but their necessity depends on the context of the interaction. This holds for a few key reasons.

First, discussing the dynamics of long-distance relationships in BDSM, many who are in lasting LDRs engage in online play with aftercare and check-ins as an integral part of maintaining and building the kinky side of their relationship. In these situations, aftercare and check-ins are already developed and expected practices. They help partners feel connected and cared for, even when they are physically apart.

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The word frenzy in a paper dictionary with the other words around it blurred out but visible.

sub-frenzy

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Ugh, someone said I have sub frenzy like it’s a disease? Isn’t that just being excited to explore stuff?

Thank you for the question and while you are correct, sub frenzy is not a ‘disease’, it should concern you. Sub-frenzy is a term that describes a phase where individuals, whether new or experienced in BDSM, experience intense eagerness to explore and enjoy. This enthusiasm can lead to a rush to engage in activities without adequate preparation, education, or consideration of safety measures. In other words, you might be at risk of putting yourself in a dangerous situation to explore/enjoy something kinktastic and the person or people who have brought it up are concerned for you.

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