There is a misunderstanding in some BDSM circles that dominance is solely about showing care through simple questions like, “Did you eat?” or “Did you take your medicine?” These are acts of concern, yes, but they are not unique to dominant individuals. These expressions of care are commonly found in all types of relationships. Caring for a partner’s well-being is not the exclusive domain of a dominant partner. This misconception needs to be addressed. Dominance involves much more than offering a reminder to eat or take medication.
When it comes to relationships, asking about your partner’s well-being is not reserved for any one role. Thoughtful partners, whether in a vanilla relationship or a kink-based one, will check in on their loved ones. Whether it is a gentle reminder to eat or a check-in on how they are feeling, these actions are universal. They reflect a basic principle of healthy connection: love, respect, and mutual care. To suggest that only dominant partners demonstrate such care is an oversimplification. It diminishes the complexity of what dominance truly involves and ignores the fact that these simple acts of concern are part of a healthy relationship, regardless of structure.
The heart of dominance in BDSM involves much more than asking if your partner has taken their medicine or reminding them to eat. These caring gestures are, yes, important, but they are not the defining aspects of dominance. True dominance is rooted in power dynamics, relationship roles, and the trust built between partners. It is about intentional control, respect, and consent. Dominance is not defined by day-to-day reminders of basic needs. It is the exchange of power, where one partner leads with responsibility, ensuring the safety and boundaries of both. Reducing it to simple acts of concern misses the bigger picture of what a D/S relationship entails.
Time to get one thing straight: caring for a partner’s well-being is not confined to the BDSM world. These gestures of concern are present in all relationships, kinky or otherwise. Whether you are in a vanilla relationship or exploring BDSM, healthy partnerships are built on empathy. Checking in on your partner’s physical and emotional health is not a luxury reserved for those in power exchanges. It is a fundamental aspect of being a considerate partner. The fact that these caring actions are shared across all kinds of relationships proves they are not exclusive to one role. The myth that only dominants engage in these behaviors is not only misguided but dismissive of the emotional labor that all healthy partners bring to the table.
It is time to challenge the narrative that dominance is about the reminder to eat or the concern over health. These actions are about care, yes, but they do not define the power exchange within BDSM dynamics. Dominance is much more than that. It is a negotiation of power, trust, and mutual respect. Reducing it to routine care undermines the richness of what a true dominant role represents. Dominance is not just about taking care of the basics. It is about taking the time to build a safe, consensual, and fulfilling power exchange that goes far beyond daily gestures of concern.
In relationships, care should never be confused with dominance. Acts of care, regardless of whether you are in a BDSM dynamic or a traditional relationship, should be expected from both partners, not just one. It is time to let go of the false assumption that dominance is solely defined by taking care of someone’s basic needs. Instead, let us celebrate the richness of power exchange and understand that true care goes much deeper than a question about whether or not your partner has had their meal today.