Hi there & Happy 4th to you! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

If you are playing online. should you still require aftercare & check ins?

Thank you!

Aftercare and check-ins can be important in online play, but their necessity depends on the context of the interaction. This holds for a few key reasons.

First, discussing the dynamics of long-distance relationships in BDSM, many who are in lasting LDRs engage in online play with aftercare and check-ins as an integral part of maintaining and building the kinky side of their relationship. In these situations, aftercare and check-ins are already developed and expected practices. They help partners feel connected and cared for, even when they are physically apart.

However, the majority of online play often involves individuals who are new to each other and exploring how their kinks align or simply engaging in casual cyber “interactions”. In these cases, aftercare must be explicitly negotiated, as well as check-ins. Aftercare should not simply be expected in casual online play unless it has been negotiated. For those who are learning a new partner, there should be discussions about aftercare, how much, what works as well as what does not. If not, one partner might be left thinking about where is the aftercare while the other is thinking the aftercare is going great.

For submissives, it is crucial to use your voices and ask for aftercare and check-ins. If you have engaged in a cyber role play with a new dominant and they ask, “How are you?” or “How are you doing?”, take the opportunity to share how you feel. It is perfectly acceptable to say, “Hey, I need more aftercare or I need this or that.”

Everyone, please make it a point to advocate for yourselves and communicate your needs clearly. There are rare occasions when a new partner might intuitively understand what you need, many will not unless you explicitly share it with them. By expressing what you need and how you need it, you create a safer and more fulfilling experience for everyone involved.

Aftercare and check-ins are not always required, unless it has been negotiated and discussed. While they are critical components of the majority of healthy and respectful BDSM interactions, in situations with new or casual cyber partners, aftercare must be negotiated and should not be expected if it has not been agreed upon. Thus it is imperative to advocate for yourselves and communicate your needs openly.