A question from anonymous: When getting to know a dom, if he’s sharing very little of or about himself with you, but asking much of you. Giving tasks, expectations, requesting photos, etc., and often steps over and ignores questions you pose. Is this a red flag? I believe I know the answer but was hoping not.

It’s difficult to connect with an authentic dom who is the real deal. As I’m certain it is for true doms to find a genuine sub and not a pretender.

Thank you for your time.

Navigating the intricacies of a dominant-submissive relationship can be both thrilling and challenging. The allure of finding a genuine connection where power dynamics are mutually respected and cherished is a goal for many within the BDSM community. However, it is essential to recognize and understand the red flags that may arise during the initial stages of getting to know a dominant.

One of the most crucial aspects of any relationship, especially within the context of BDSM, is the balance of trust and communication. If a dominant is sharing very little about themselves while expecting you to divulge a lot about yourself, it is important to take a step back and evaluate the situation. This imbalance can indicate several potential issues.

First, a dominant who withholds information about themselves while demanding transparency from you can create an uneven power dynamic. In a healthy dominant-submissive relationship, both parties should feel comfortable and safe to share personal information, boundaries, and desires. Mutual vulnerability is a cornerstone of building trust. If the dominant is not willing to share, it raises questions about their willingness to be transparent and their commitment to fostering a trusting relationship.

When a dominant gives tasks, sets expectations, and requests photos or other forms of proof without offering any form of reciprocity or communication, it is a red flag. While it is natural for a dominant to set tasks and expectations, it is equally important for them to provide feedback, guidance, and support. Ignoring your questions and failing to engage in meaningful dialogue signifies a lack of respect for your role and your needs as a submissive.

A healthy dominant will appreciate and value the importance of communication. They will understand that answering your questions and engaging in open dialogue is not just a courtesy, but a necessity for building a strong, respectful, and consensual relationship.

Your concern about finding an authentic dominant is valid. The BDSM community, like any other, has its share of pretenders and individuals who do not fully understand or respect the dynamics of a true dominant-submissive relationship. It is equally challenging for true dominants to find genuine submissives who are not just playing a role but are sincerely interested in the lifestyle.

Authenticity in a dominant-submissive relationship is characterized by mutual respect, clear communication, and shared understanding. A dominant who is genuinely interested in you and in building a meaningful relationship will not only set tasks and expectations but will also take the time to get to know you, answer your questions, and share parts of themselves with you.

Ultimately, trust your instincts. If you feel uneasy about the dominant’s behavior, it is important to acknowledge those feelings. Your intuition is a powerful tool in assessing the sincerity and intentions of a potential partner. A dominant who is genuinely interested in you will respect your need for information and will engage in open and honest communication.

While it is challenging to find an authentic dominant, recognizing red flags such as one-sided sharing and lack of communication is essential. A sincere dominant will understand the importance of building trust through mutual vulnerability and open dialogue. Do not ignore your concerns or the red flags you observe. Your safety, comfort, and trust are paramount in any relationship, especially within the context of BDSM. Take the time to find a dominant who respects and values you, and who is willing to invest in building a genuine connection. Thank you for sharing your question and allowing me the opportunity to provide some insights. Remember, a healthy and fulfilling dominant-submissive relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. Do not settle for anything less.